Valentine’s Day is tomorrow.  While many love the holiday and many hate it with a passion, it’s still a good excuse for suffering.  It may not have truly been a massacre, but the opening Double 7s, which included Prisoner Cell Merkin Burpees, were exceptionally brutal.  Whether it’s a “Hallmark Holiday” or a day to celebrate true love with your significant other, it’s definitely a day for a Bandwidth Beatdown.


Warm Up

-Side Straddle Hops (14 in cadence)

-Good Mornings (14)

-Helicopters (14 in cadence)

-Moroccan Nightclubs (14 in cadence)

-“The Grinder” Leg Stretches (14-count each leg)


The Thang

In the 3rd century AD, Roman Emperor Claudius II forbade his soldiers to marry during wartime, believing it would create a distraction.  Valentine performed wedding ceremonies for soldiers against the emperor’s wishes and was jailed and executed for his treachery.  He died on February 14, 269 AD.  Prior to his death, he wrote a letter to his jailor’s daughter and signed it, “from your Valentine”.

With 14 being a special number for Valentine’s Day, we start with Double 7s—

-Station 1 – Prisoner Squats in honor of Valentine’s incarceration

-Station 2 (on the way out) – Prisoner Cell Merkin Burpees, again in honor of his jail time

-Station 2 (on the way back) – Lt. Dans in honor of the 220,000 wedding proposals each year on Valentine’s Day (lunge down to one knee), and in honor of the box of chocolates you might get for your sweetheart

-Station 3 – Stump-Hugger Plank Pushups (plank down to chillcut then back up to plank, one arm at a time) as a reminder to hug someone on Valentine’s Day


When you’re done, hug a tree and do an Al Gore squat hold while you wait.


Fun facts in lieu of a 10-count:

-February 14th is also known as Singles Awareness Day (SAD)

-15% of women send themselves flowers


Jog to the tunnel in the shopping center.


In 1929 Chicago, 7 members of Bugs Moran’s gang were murdered in a garage, most likely by Al Capone’s men.  Moran’s crew had been hijacking Capone’s bootleg liquor shipments out of Detroit, and this attack was believed to be retribution.  Some of Capone’s gang dressed as police officers so they could make an escape and not be noticed by the public.  Moran’s men were lined up against a wall and executed with Tommy Guns.  One of the victims, Frank Gusenberg, was found by medics with 14 gunshot wounds, but somehow still alive.  Not wanting to snitch when asked who shot him, he replied, “No one shot me.”  He died 3 hours later.


To relive the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, our 7 victims line up against the wall and are executed with

-People’s Chair (14-count per PAX)

-Balls to the Wall (14-count per PAX)


Penicillin was introduced on Valentine’s Day 1929, so with a full supply of antibiotics, we all enjoy a

-Dirty Hookup (10 count)


Jog to the parking lot at the top of the Shadowlawn hill.


No one wants heartbreak on Valentine’s Day, but sometimes you have to face the pain.

-Partner up and perform a half Heartbreak 1, 2, 3 (50 merkins, 100 LBCs, 150 squats) while partner runs down the hill and back up.  50 seemed like a good tribute to the 50 million roses given each Valentine’s Day.


Not surprisingly, VHS completes the entire exercise himself while the rest of us need our partner to get it done.


Fun facts in lieu of a 10-count:

-Men spend twice as much as women on Valentine’s Day, now up to an average of $130

-8 billion candy hearts are made each year, enough to stretch from Valentine, AZ, to Rome and back

-On Valentine’s Day 1876, Alexander Graham Bell applied for his patent for the telephone


Jog back to the flag and circle up for Mary.



-1-legged Homer-to-Marge (14 per leg)



The easiest way to tune a room of 100 musicians is not to try and have them tune to each other, but instead, have all of them tune to a pitch on a single piano.  Similarly, if we all tune ourselves to one savior, we will all automatically be in tune with each other.


Count-a-rama:  7 PAX


Announcements:  The latest annual F3 shirt is available on  It is available in short-sleeve as race jersey for $33, Sport-Tek loose-fit jersey for $24, and cotton tee for $28.  It is also available in long-sleeve versions for slightly more.  The order cutoff date is February 28th for this printing.

The Mule is running on Saturday, March 10th, at 6:15 am.  Sign-ups can be found on Twitter @F3Raleigh or  Push yourself and give it a try.  Completely Stupid and Utterly Pointless…let’s do it!

Good work and have a great Valentine’s Day!  It was an honor to lead you this morning.