Special thanks to Epoxy for allowing Ricki to Q this morning with Mr. Rogers and for proofreading / editing this backblast for me as Ricki ain’t been to law school and fancy-educated like most of you sissy punk-ass bitches (hereafter referred to as “PAB” or “Wilsons” to avoid issues with F3 management). Speaking of law school, I have a particular disdain (yep, Ricki looked that word up!) for attorneys as those a-holes sent me to the pen….I didn’t touch that girl!
On this particular morning, the two Qs (just back from the bars and straight to F3) were joined by 17 PABs who I think were expecting their normal aerobics class b/c they all showed up in leotards and shit. Ricki don’t play that! Ricki sported the standard jean shorts, wife beater (to show off the guns and tats), and Git R Done hat. Good thing my boys from the joint didn’t see me working out with this crowd or I’d get my ass kicked in a big way. Speaking of ass kickin’s, call me Richard, Rick, or Ricky Bobby one more time….lookin’ at you Money Hose! Couple comments on the nancies that showed up this morning:
TARP – you call that a beard, boy? My sister can grow one better than that in a few days. And that plank at the end….are you serious?
Steriod – there’s an oxymoron (yep, looked that one up too). I’ve dropped deuces bigger than this cat. Might I suggest you get on some steroids.
Myrtle – you see the legs on this tall drink of water? And a pretty mouth too! The pen did a number on Ricki
Wilson – biggest PAB of them all. Shows up in a tennis shirt. Ricki was told that the Scotty Bob exercise was named after Wilson and his college roommate Scotty….nuff said, and we ain’t doing that on Ricki’s watch
Poster Boy – good heavens. Poster Boy for what? Remind me not to subscribe to that magazine or buy those products.
MacGruber – hear he’s a CPA….gotta be a pretty cool dude
White Shoe – much love for ya brotha with the mockery of Money Hose. This cat is probably the only one of the crowd (other than Chong Li who actually scares Ricki) that could hang with Ricki and that’s why Ricki picked him
Dieter – German and a dancer….nuff said
Horshack – what kind of stupid name is that? and WTF was this girl wearing? I thought F3 was for men???
Nothing particular to say about the rest of you losers other than you disgust me. Most of you are better suited for Pilates.
Now to The Thang:
Mr. Rogers – Warmup
Ricki – introduced 10 workout stations timed on Ricki’s new iPhone 3 with 2 minute rotations. Ricki got a little sentimental thinking about the “yard” where I used to workout while doing this workout
1) Mama Junk jump-ups by both partners – speakin’ of mama junk, That reminds me, I got up in this mama’s junk one time….but I digress
2) Kettle bells up-right rows with 50lb KB x 10; partner does dealer’s choice….flap jack
3) Squats with sand pipe x 10; partner does dealer’s choice….flap jack. Ricki is somewhat fearful of squats after my time in the pen.
4) Tricep extensions with 45lb plate x 10; partner does dealer’s choice….flap jack
5) Curls with 45lb Olympic bar x 10; partner does dealer’s choice….flap jack. Mr. Rogers forced Ricki to rotate out of this station or I’d have stayed all day.
6) Partner medicine ball toss over backstop
7) On bench, both partners do decline merkins x 10, dips x 10, etc. rotating exercises until time expires
8) So-called “Man makers” x 5; partner does dealer’s choice….flap jack. You call these man makers. I’ll tell you what’s a man maker: Fighting in the yard daily and fighting your cell mate daily to protect the bunghole.
9) Curtis P with Sears bar x 5; partner does dealer’s choice….flap jack.
10) Lawnmowers with smaller kettle bell R x 5 / L x 5; partner does dealer’s choice….flap jack. Ricki overhead two PABs trying to figure out the lawnmower. Must have one of them fancy riding models or some yard boys that come over to “service” things at their house b/c clearly this bunch ain’t man enough to handle that…..think you know what I’m talking about
11) Overhead press with 45lb plate x 10; partner does dealer’s choice….flap jack
Rotated through these about 1.25 times and then met in the middle for plank / Ricki-led merkins. This group of Wilsons should be ashamed at their planks / merkins….looking at you specifically TARP! After this workout, Ricki’s jeans shorts were wetter than that night with….well, you get the picture. My only regret is this thing you call Mary busted my dip can and got dip all over my jean shorts causing me to have to run home before my shift at the plant at 7am….PABs!!!
“Steroid” discussed F3 Foundation and how we can give back to the community
Prayers for CK’s mother in law and Money Hose’s uncle. Closing prayer.
Thanks for having Ricki….hope to be back next year.