There is sand in my ear, and I’m having trouble lifting my arms to get the Q-tip up in there. Can I get a 10 count please, this is getting ridiculous. Can I get a witness?! Hopefully 12 other PAX agree, which included one poor FNG.

Warm up prior to 5:45am start. No arm circles allowed. Stretch your legs, arms, and soul. Now follow me.

The Thang:

Jog around the park, plank for a few stragglers, Putin, Sarcosi (come on stragglers, it’s still early, what is this The Forge!?), ok now recover. JACK WEBBS, 11’s – 4 count kind, as in 2 merkins per count like it should be. Though I missed the 7 merkins and 4 arm lifts, that still makes 96 merkins total. And 96 arm raises, if you’re counting. We’ll make up the rest later. Dawn Patrol only does 55 merkins in their standard issue Jack Webbs. Urban Jungle doesn’t even know about Jack Webbs, but I digress.

Move to the tennis court, for a series of suicides. Regular, left shuffle, right shuffle then balls to the wall for 3x 10 counts separated with a few merkins while in the balls to the wall position. Backwards, left karaoke, right karaoke then peoples chair for 3x 10 counts separated with a few squats.

Grab a sand bag and head over to big mo mulch hill. Circle up, count off for a little sand bag PT. Worked this like a shoulder press for yourself, then pass to the right to your buddy for 20x, then pass to the left for 20x. Think of an assembly line that doesn’t end or go anywhere, but just passes around sacks all day (a ‘hem – queue the Fungo response)

Partner up for some ruck-like hill runs (or per the lexicon Bent Jacob: Any deviation from a straight Jacob’s Ladder) Partner 1 carries both sand bags up the hill, around the mulch piles, and back down to relieve Partner 2. Switch both bags, and repeat up the hill each partner 4 times. So that’s 4 hill runs each, and 4 rests each. The first rest was merkins until partner returned, then LBCs until return, then Carolina dry docks, then log slow flutter. Did I say rest? I might need a better thesaurus. Oh and if you drop any sand bags, drop and give 10 burpees. Good job TARP, guess he thought I was kidding. His 10 burpee delay put his team a bit behind and they did about 10-15 less exercises than the rest of the PAX.  His arms show the lack of reps today. Pitiful & Shameful. Once complete 10 burpees OYO anyway because everyone dropped their sandbags. I did mention NOT to follow my command at the beginning disclaimer, and thus the PAX was punished for not not-following orders.

Drop your bags back to the graveyard (Lighter sand bags I might add. Apparently holes have been appearing, and we lose sand during the workout. Seems like a terrorist activity to me) and circle up for some Mary. 10x military merkins. Make sure I hear the clap.

FNG – Louganis, welcome. I take full responsibility if he never returns.

No announcements, no prayer requests, only lies about what each wanted to be when they grew up. Notable – My Boy Blue an F3 Q (what a noble trade) – Lamp an attorney (BorrrRing!) – Maize in middle management for a banking financial institution (someone get this guy a hobby)