OK, men of Cary/Apex. We’ve been talking about this a long time – getting the Ms and 2.0s together to convince them – and maybe ourselves – that F3 is not a cult and that we are actually working out in the mornings. So here it is.

Date: 4/16
Time: 4:00is – whenevs
Place: Wolf Palace and Wolf Gardens (aka Ma Bell’s House)
Address: 101 Meadowvale Circle, Cary, NC 27519
What: Hamburgers, hotdogs, tea, lemonade, and water provided. You are welcome to BYOB another beverage of your choice. RSVP and signup for sides/desserts via Signup Genius below
RSVP: Here if you haven’t already


  • Ms and 2.0s welcome, nay, encouraged!
  • Moody teenagers welcome. I have those too. I guarantee I can make them laugh before the end of the night. Guarantee!
  • Ma Bell learned from Wonk and set up a signup genius for the event. So Cary.
  • We have a kid-friendly dog.
  • He’s too dumb to be mean
  • Only Callahan and M. Callahan are allowed to park in the driveway…because preggers
  • Do NOT rub M. Callahan’s belly. She ain’t gots no patience fuh dat!
  • Do it, and she’ll gut you like a pig. And Calli might Boiler Up all up yo grill.
  • Everyone else park in the cul-de-sac, along the sidewalk on Edgemore, or in the pool parking lot.
  • There is a path from said pool parking lot through the woods into Wolf Gardens
  • Will need someone to bring a second grill. Charcoal only. Gas grills run contrary to Ma Bell’s moral code.
  • Ma Bell will supply the charcoal.
  • Maybe Ma Bell will relinquish the too-long-held copy of “Freed to Lead” that night. Yes, that’s where it went.
  • We have basketball out front, football in the back, and PS4 upstairs. Play euro sports at the ball’s – and your own – risk. See above comment about Ma Bell’s moral code
  • Wear UNCheat garb at its – and your own – risk
  • Mumble chatter encouraged. There may or may not be a prize for that.
  • There is a cover charge of 20 merkins. In cadence. Failure to do so will result in penalty burpees
  • Sleeves are discouraged but optional. Hell, shoes are optional. You can go commando if you want. But please wear pants! Just not Hot Spot running shorts, manpris, or Burt ballin’ shorts
  • If you wear shoes on M. Ma Bell’s NEW carpet, she will murder you with a dull axe and feed you to heretofore mentioned kid-friendly dog. I’m not even kidding.
  • There is no carpet downstairs, so you’ll probably live.
  • Let me know if you have any specific music requests. Chances are I have it. If not, I’ll get it. If I like it.

It will be fun. Those who miss it, well, sucks for you.

2 Replies to “Cary / Apex 2nd F 4/16 Cookout Pre-Blast”

  • Missing the Bull AND Wolf Gardens. I’m screwed. I will never be in on another inside joke for as long as I live. I will probably start working out with headphones next week 🙁

    Really hate to miss it and if I didn’t have a better reason I’d be there for sure although my 2.0s love dirty shoes and carpet. Ask M Shut-in…

    They also like running in to people holding drinks, being loud, touching pregger bellies, doing burbees (dat was for you Calli), and anything else where the answer is no. Hmm, maybe we won’t be missed.

    Someone Periscope it for me.

    Then someone tell Coney what it means to Periscope it for me.

  • This should be absolutely awesome. Because I know you want it, here’s my response to your NMS (which is on point, I might add):

    – Yes, please bring your moody teenagers. I need to see how a parent interacts with such beings.
    – Is the dog adult-friendly? i ain’t tryna get ate.
    – Dumb dogs make the best dogs #entertainmentvalue
    – M.Callahan is a sweetheart. Just don’t make her uncomfortable. Looking at you, Burt.
    – M.Callahan appreciates the VIP treatment with the parking situation. Well done, sir.
    – I am ashamed to admit that I do not have a charcoal grill.
    – This moral code you speak of is intriguing. Maybe you could fill us in at Coffeteria some time.
    – I think you ought to come up with some sort of competition for the right to gain control of “Freed to Lead”. Maybe a mind game of some sort. I ain’t tryna break a sweat
    – Anyone wanna play the dirnking game version of HORSE? Take a shot every time you miss. It’s a quick game, doesn’t last longer than ten minutes usually.
    – Best part of having a 2.0 on the way? Designated Driver. Or so I’m told. I’ve not yet tried that one out.
    – Mumble Chatter prize? Is that even fair? I mean, I just feel bad for everyone else.
    – How many penalty burpees are we talking? And can anyone tell me why on earth Burt calls them burbees? Does that drive anyone else nuts, or is it just me?
    – Guys?
    – No carpet downstairs, eh? You do a little man-scaping, bruh? #toopersonal
    – Oh….you meant carpet…like on the floor. Oh dear.
    – I gotta think 90% of Ma’s current play list is reggae music, amirite? The other 10%? Merle Haggard.
    – Saturday can’t come quick enough.

Leave a Reply