21 PAX gathered in the lot at Thomas Brooks park eagerly awaiting a celebration of a young “Hate” finally coming of age. What they didn’t realize is that at the same exact time that they were trying to determine who would take over for the fartsacking Q, YHC was cursing at his phone. It’s never a good feeling to check the clock and see 5:45, especially when you’re the Q and the AO is no less than 17 minutes from the house.

Thankfully, I set the precedent for this in the past, so as I was running to find the PAX at 6:04am, there was zero surprise when out from the gloom I appeared, in all my hazy majesty. The PAX cheered loudly, and oddly enough, didn’t give me nearly the level of crap that I was expecting. Once again, I win.

Only the 21 men and the Lord above know what they did in those first 19 minutes, but I can tell you they were sweaty and out of breath…so I’m pretty sure they at least did something. YHC was feeling fresh, so why not try to bury the men and take credit for the whole thang?!?


Uhmm…something. I’m sure they did something.

The Thang

Again, I was absent the first 19 minutes. When I found the PAX, there was mostly chaos with some guys crabwalking, others were bunny hopping, and Franklin was tying his shoe (signature move). YHC called recover and had the PAX follow him down the street back to the hill adjacent to one of the ball fields. Largemouth requested a trip through the sprinklers, and I was more than happy to oblige.

Partner up. as a pair, do 30 Partnerkins per guy. This is when things got out of hand. (I don’t think I ever fully established control of this mess.) My partner, Sky Blue, got into position for the partnerkin, but before he was set, YHC eagerly put my hands on the man and buried his chest into the ground as his shoulders gave out and his feet slid on the wet grass. I apologized profusely, but told him to get up and get back into position (like the heartless bastard I am). He tried to do so, but after a minute, he was certain that he shouldn’t go through with it. YHC likely tore his rotator cuff. Not even kidding. Sky Blue, if you’re reading this…I feel like a 6-ton pile of smoldering garbage. Please forgive me.

Anyway, the rest of the PAX, insubordinate as they are, did NOT do Partnerkins, and instead did partner derkins (bunch of idiots). Whatevs. Next, one partner Gorilla hops up the slope to the fence, then does 10 fence derkins while Partner 2 does American Hammers AMRAP. Flapjack. Go again, but this time partner 2 does squats AMRAP. I think we did this a total of three times, but again, I had only been awake for about 30 minutes at this point, so things were pretty foggy.

Next, we jogged to the picnic shelter and grabbed a bench for Dips, Irkins, and one-legged squats (on the bench) x 30ish each. Repeato!

The PAX were then herded to the playground where we planked while 4 PAX at a time did 10 pull-ups. After that, with time running short, we jogged over to the basketball courts for a couple full-court sprints to put a cherry on top.


  • Count-o-rama: 22.
  • Name-o-rama: Still 22.
  • Announcements: 9/11 Stair climb at Carter-Finley @ 6:30AM. 5k/10K on Labor Day benefiting the Carying Place – contact Billy for info – http://www.thecaryingplace.org/
  • Prayer requests: CD and his family, CD’s friend whose husband left, prayers for accountability in our group to avoid situations like that, prayers for Jolly Rancher, prayers for Sky Blue’s shoulder, prayers for travel safety for Shutty and the fam on their way to the Bahamas, prayers they don’t get the Zika, prayers for the PAXs’ jealous hearts, prayers for Sputnik’s father, prayers for Skyline’s soon-to-be 2.0 and the M, and others.


  • Ughh. I’m the worst.
  • I figured the first Q back after baby would be a bit rusty. But today was just an abject failure.
  • Today is my first full day of the “meh” lifestyle. That’s why I signed up. I probably would have been better off staying in bed.
  • Sky Blue would still have two functioning shoulders.
  • Riptide wouldn’t be the only sucker to completely fartsack a Q at FOD.
  • Man, I gotta get myself together. The guilt is crushing.
  • At least Largemouth got his wish granted. Nothing like doing fence derkins and getting showered by the sprinklers. If you haven’t experienced that you haven’t lived.
  • Big shout out to all the love for my 30th bday. I was completely fooled (hush). M.Callahan did a helluva job pulling that one off. Big shout to Katniss for coordinating and corralling the F3 PAX
  • Somehow…I’m getting out to the beatdowns at a HIGHER clip than before the 2.0 came into this world. I have no idea how this is happening.
  • By the way…did y’all see the 2.0 on Sunday? Is he not the cutest little human you’ve ever seen? If you say no, I will fight you. And I will win.
  • $#!t…i think we might have to retire the Partnerkin. Hate to do it y’all, but it’s just not safe.
  • Tuco (Whaddup Churham!!) actually found me after the workout and thanked me. I’m still not sure why. Maybe after following me around for 25 minutes, he found a new sense of self-confidence. Kinda like when you aren’t too sure about yourself, but then someone else goes out and puts forth an abomination of a Q and you feel A LOT better about your own Q’ing abilities…maybe that’s why he thanked me. Only Tuco and the Lord above will ever know. By the way, I submitted that scenario to the powers-that-be to add it to the lexicon…see below
  • ClusterQ – an abomination of a Q that elevates the self-confidence of all other PAX in attendance, thereby convincing PAX on the fence that they couldn’t possibly do worse than that guy, leading to an influx in Q signups. Made famous by Burt in CARPEx.
  • I didn’t really submit that. But that’s pretty funny. Maybe I should.
  • Yep, just submitted it.
  • Sorry Burt.
  • Also, just saw that CARPEx is not in the Lexicon. Uh, but, ummm…I’ve been asked to stop submitting to the lexicon and exicon. Sooo, if someone else wants to write that one in, feel free. No pressure tho.
  • You know what, just leave it. No one really reads the lexicon anyway, right?
  • I just rambling now to keep myself from talking more about Sky Blue’s shoulder.
  • It isn’t working!!!
  • Just like Sky Blue’s shoulder.
  • DAMNIT!!!
  • Sorry bro. Really, truly sorry.
  • Like, lost-my-appetite sorry. Punch-myself-in-the-face sorry. Go-to-a-country-concert sorry. Root-for-State sorry. Cry-myself-to-sleep sorry. Attend-a-Burt-Q sorry. Shave-my-head sorry. Sign-up-for-a-marathon sorry. Pray-for-Shutty’s-vacation-travels sorry. Wait…that’s not a good example. Drop-my-2.0 sorry (haven’t done it yet, for the record). Call-the-M-by-the-college-exGF’s-name sorry. Lay-out-on-the-beach-for-8-hours-without-sunscreen sorry. Use-a-tanning-bed-naked sorry. Get-into-a-car-crash-while-playing-PokemonGo sorry. Playing-PokemonGo sorry. Mentioning-PokemonGo sorry. Playing-the-game-“Sorry” sorry. Eating-tofu sorry.
  • Like, really sorry.
  • I should go.

See you in the gloom

And sorry.