14 PAX gathered at Field of Dreams this beautiful morning. The temperature hovering in the low 50’s YHC expected to see lots of bare arms. Most PAX obliged, though a select few dressed like we were in Siberia. To each his own, I suppose.

I’ve got lots to say (No way!), but we’ll leave that to the Moleskin.

Warm Up

Stretch the legs with a lengthy jog to the dark side of the park, the hidden rock yard. Circle up for:

  • Good Morning x 10
  • Sir Fazio x 10, each direction
  • Willie Mays x 10
  • Sumo Squat x 10
  • Merkin x 10, IC (cuz Ma Bell will cut you if you don’t do them in cadence)

The Thang

Oh look! A stash of rocks. Select a decent sized rock (will travel) and follow me with rocks held overhead. Walk briskly down the path back to the main road. Carioca with rock at chest-level, switch. Halt after a bit, Rock Curl as we wait for the six. Continue walking with rocks overhead. Once within sight of the TOCRP, jog it in with rocks at chest-level. Circle up, count off 1s and 2s.

  • 1s – Rock curl; 2s – run to shelter, 5 pull-ups, run back; flapjack
  • 1s – Rock Tri-Ext; 2s – 5 pullups; flapjack
  • 1s – Rock press; 2s – 5 dirks/5 Irkens; flapjack
  • 1s – Rock Squat; 2s – 5 dirks/5 Irkens; flapjack
  • 1s – Upright Rock Row; 2s – 5 dirks/5 Irkens; flapjack
  • 1s – Bent Row; 2s – 5 dirks/5 Irkens; flapjack
  • Introduce rocks to their new home…the TOCRP

Jog over to the hill behind the playground. Watch your step, it’s muddy. As a group, Gorilla Hop up, fence dirkens, Crawl Bear down, Jump lunges, squat hold or plank until everyone is done:

  • 10 reps – fence dirkins; 10 reps jump lunges (unless you’re Franklin. Franklin does the riverdance. #freedto…dowhateverthehellhewants)
  • 8 and 8
  • 6 and 6
  • 4 and 4
  • 2 and 2

Recover on the jog over to the basketball courts. YHC inconspicuously placed the chuck bucket behind his car upon arrival and snatched it on the trip to the courts. What’s the chuck bucket, you ask? Allow me to enlighten you (see what I did there? No? Just wait. You’ll get it eventually.) The chuck bucket is a wonderful little gray pale that carries (very aptly, I should add) a grand selection of old and worn out bicycle tire tubes. These delightful little bands seem harmless, but they are dangerous in the wrong (or right, maybe?) hands. Chuck bucket has a tendency to cause some spillage of any recently consumed vino (ahh, there it is!). You’ll get lighter. Hence, enlightened. Still don’t get it? That’s a you problem.

Grab your steed…er, I mean, partner. Line up on the end line. Horsey #1 one pulls his chariot (aka Partner 2) across the court, then both mosey back. Flapjack. Repeato. Repeato. Repeato.

YHC tries not to make a habit of this, but sometimes you just have to audible. After four rounds of chariot races, YHC just wasn’t feeling gassed enough, so I looked at my trusty (90 seconds-slow) watch and saw that we had plenty of time for one more round. The PAX didn’t complain as much as I had expected, but rather simply expressed the fact that they gave all they had on the fourth, and supposed, last round. YHC don’t care. Line up!

Once completed, YHC asked the PAX to put their rubbers back in the bucket and circle up. I was bumped and hip-checked about thirty times like I played for Duke basketball on the way to Mary. There’s the attitude I was expecting. H8ers gon’ H8.


  • Whaddup Baby!?!? x 20
  • American Hammer x 20


  • Count-o-rama: 14 PAX – 1 RESPECT, 2 Hate, 11 also-rans
  • Nam-o-rama: 14 still. No FNGs
  • Announcements: The Bull, this Saturday. We’ll try to carpool…meeting place tentatively set at the Dolphin (if you don’t know where that is, use the GasBuddy app and search for the most expensive gas in Cary). Sheetz on 55 may have better parking situation, but we’ll talk.
  • Announcements: 2nd F @ MaBell’s house on April 16! More deets to come, but put it on the calendar. Big shout to Ma, thanks for hosting. And guys, seriously, don’t bring shoes. Just don’t. M.Callahan will likely help M.MaBell clean up the blood once she murders you for tracking crap into the house. Let’s respect the host family, shall we? Leave it cleaner than we found it, or something like that, right?
  • Prayer requests: none spoken
  • YHC took us out


  • I sure do hope the PAX got their money’s worth this AM. I planned this beatdown and everything!
  • Today’s Humanitarian Award goes to our most #respected member this AM. YHC belligerently called pull-ups, not remembering we had a PAX in the under 60″ club with us. No, not Burt. Our newest WarBaby – Mockingjay – who also has a mere 12 years of life experience. He’s got room to grow. Anyhoo, MaBell was not about to allow someone of such diminutive stature be robbed of the opportunity to shred some muscle, so he quickly flew Mockingjay up to the shelter iBeam for some assisted pull-ups. So clutch. Well done, sir.
  • iBeam is totally how a millennial would spell I-beam
  • iSuck
  • Just remember, as you are reading this, somewhere in the Triangle Goose is wearing wool socks and a parka. 70-degree days be damned!
  • Today was supposed to be a “best of” beatdown, where I took my favorite parts from the Mule and rehashed them with the West Cary crew. Unfortunately (read: THANKFULLY!!!!!), Thomas Brooks park doesn’t have a North-Hills-Park-esque hill that swallows people and their souls whole.
  • That hill can rot for all I care.
  • If that hill were in Cary, TOC would level it.
  • On second thought, they wouldn’t. Because TOC is in cahoots with the devil. The DEVIL! Yeah, I said it.
  • Cheddar Bo actually changed the trash today. It was funny to see him doing work. I almost made the PAX give a round of applause.
  • Cahoots is a severely underused word. Can we get that back into mainstream vocabulary?
  • I guess you can only really use it in conjunction with the word “in”.
  • Are there other forms of cahoots? Like, I cahooted with the baker at Publix the other day?
  • What would that even mean?
  • Or this – Me and Shutty cahoot from time to time on Twitter.
  • That sounds so much worse than how I meant it to sound.
  • If I ever create an app that makes it easier for people to pull heists, I will most definitely call it iCahoot
  • So many wasted words above. Wow.
  • PBX bought me breakfast on his birthday.
  • /smiles at camera; “I still got it!”
  • But seriously, today’s Civil Generosity Award goes to PBX…cuz the dude bought ME breakfast on HIS birthday!!  That’s something else, folks.
  • Thanks again, PBX. It was delicious!
  • I did better with using FCC friendly language with the younger ears this morning. I was proud of myself. But really, all that tells you is that I curse less when I’m leading the charge.
  • #freedtoleadandtemperyourlanguage #mumblechatteriseasiertokeepcleanwhenyourecallingcadence
  • At one point, YHC was trying to join the circle, but the PAX kept backing up, thusly keeping me in the middle. Jokesters. I see you. Real funny.
  • I don’t think they knew what I was trying to accomplish.
  • The #TeamFOD twitter keeper has got jokes. So does YHC. YHC wins.
  • Franklin had some funky Irish Two-Step thing going with the jump lunges. Instead of bending the front leg, he bent the back leg and kicked the front leg out while keeping it straight. It looked painful. It prompted the token, “What the hell are you doing?” question from YHC.
  • That’s always good for a chuckle from Ma Bell
  • Chariot races after Gorilla hop circuit = pretty tough. We’ll save that one for later.
  • Largemouth’s fence dirken was very literally a BTTW dirken. That dude cray.
  • Chef Tell killing the Chariot races with high knees was so good. So, so good. He actually looked like a damned horse. Good on ya, broseph.
  • I have plenty more to say, but I should stop.

It was a genuine pleasure to lead this morning. I look forward to it every single time (even the days when I don’t remember signing up). Everyone came ready to work, and everyone pushed it. Glad to see guys getting stronger. Keep taking the #DRP and CUITG